Relationships
A relationship can simply be defined as an interaction between people for a long period. It involves these people meeting, spending time together and learning each other’s character and personality. It can be comprised of two or more people, but in this case, we are going to talk of two. There are many theories about relationships, and they include the Attraction Theory, The Social Penetration Theory, The Uncertainty Reduction Theory, The Predicted Outcome Theory and the Relational Dialectic Theory. Based on the research conducted, the Attraction Theory was the most intriguing.
The Attraction Theory.
The Attraction Theory suggests; for any relationship to be formed, whether friendship or romantic, one has to notice another person, gain interest in him or her and be willing to initiate dialogue. This theory is guided by three factors: proximity, interpersonal attractiveness and similarity (Alberts et al, p.239). It explained proximity as the state of being physically close to someone such as his or her neighbor, school or classmate, church mate just to mention a few. Interpersonal attractiveness is when one is drawn to someone, either physically, socially or task wise; while similarities refer to the things they have in common (Alberts et al p.240). Physical attraction is the appeal caused by another person’s physique such as the height, complexion and structure. Social attractiveness refers to one’s interacting skills, while task attractiveness refers to how good one is at performing tasks (Rubin, William & Laursen, p. 96).
I was drawn to this theory by something I observed from one of my family members. I realized that my elder sister got married to a man whom she had been in a relationship with for many years. On asking her how that happened, she explained to me that they first met in high school, were attracted to each other and decided to start a conversation. Their first conversation was based only on introductions, but with time, it graduated to knowing each other’s interests. They later on discovered that they had so much in common, they worked so well together, and within no time, their friendship graduated into a romantic relationship. She added that even after high school, they still kept in touch even though they were in different colleges, thousands of miles apart. Furthermore, their relationship continued growing, later flourishing into marriage.
I have also realized that most of the friendships I have, began based on the factors in this theory. An excellent example would be if I talked about my best friend. We first met in Junior High. She had just transferred to our school. The teacher introduced her and as was tradition, we welcomed her. While the class was continuing I could not help but notice how nervous she was, she was shaking all over and found it hard to flip a page. As her desk mate, I helped her find the page, and she caught up with the others.
When the bell rang, she seemed confused and did not know what to do or where to go next, so I decided to help her out. As we walked together, we introduced ourselves and a conversation just struck. It was through the conversation that we realized we lived in the same neighborhood and had moved to a number of schools before finally settling at our current school. The more I interacted with her, the more I realized the many things that we had in common. We all had a love for nature; we were sports-oriented and were partially introverts. We also discovered that we made a terrific team when it came to doing our assignments, Chemistry practical and in playing games such as beach volleyball. This strengthened our bond, and now we are close friends.
This theory determines how far a relationship between two people can go. Further research I did revealed that the attraction theory could lead to a friendship relationship or a romantic relationship. The relationship depends on the two individuals. The more they spend time with each other the more they get to know each other better (Rubin, William & Laursen, p. 171). This leads to the creation of close friendships, like in the case of my best friend and I. However at certain times, as people spend more time, they realize their differences, and as a result, the relationship, whether friendships or romantic, breaks. Sometimes, they may break because of losing the proximity, and the two do not keep in contact using other means such as telephones. Some relationships graduate from friendships to romantic relationships and eventually marriage, where the two are together for life. All this is because of the attraction that they first had.
This theory has helped me in understanding the reason why people, especially men, are first attracted to a woman’s physical appearance, before approaching them and making any effort to know them. Women are also attracted to men’s physique, but this is mostly with teenagers (Adolescent Romantic Relationships, p. 98). I also understand why older women are attracted to men who appear to be focused, organized and know how to treat a woman. Women, unlike men, are more attracted to the men’s behavior, while men first eye the physique then the behavior follows (Alberts et al, 248). I have also understood why most long-distance relationships, especially if there is no communication, do not work out. Overall, the only way that people can start a relationship is if they notice each other, develop interest and have a number of things in common.
Works cited
Adolescent Romantic Relationships. 2010. Print
Alberts, Jess K, Thomas K. Nakayama, and Judith N. Martin. Human Communication in Society. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson/Prentice Hall, 2007. Print.
Rubin, Kenneth H, William M. Bukowski, and Brett P. Laursen. Handbook of Peer Interactions, Relationships, and Groups. New York: Guilford Press, 2009. Print.
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